If you’ve never been to therapy before, or you’ve tried it and felt like something was missing, you might be wondering what it actually looks like when it works.
Here’s an honest look at what it’s like to work with me, and why the approach I use tends to create the kind of change that actually lasts.
What Kind of Therapist Am I?
I’m a psychodynamic, insight-oriented therapist who weaves in Internal Family Systems (IFS). If that sounds like a lot of words, let me translate.
It means I’m interested in what’s underneath. Not just what’s happening in your life right now, but why it keeps happening. The patterns that repeat. The beliefs you formed a long time ago that are still quietly running the show. The parts of you that react in ways you don’t fully understand, even when you’re trying hard to do things differently.
Real and lasting change doesn’t come from managing symptoms. It comes from understanding where they came from, and shifting your relationship with them. That’s the work we do together.
What Actually Happens in a Session
You come in, or log on, and we start with whatever’s present for you. Sometimes that’s something specific that happened during the week. Sometimes it’s a feeling you can’t quite name. Sometimes you walk in and say “I don’t even know where to start.” That’s fine. We find it together.
What happens next is where it gets interesting.
I listen carefully, not just to what you’re saying, but to what’s underneath it. The themes that keep surfacing. The moments where something shifts in you, even slightly. The places where your story gets complicated or contradictory. I notice these things and I name them, directly, but without judgment.
I might say: “I notice this is the third time you’ve described feeling responsible for everyone else’s emotions. Where do you think that comes from?”
Or: “There’s a part of you that wants to move forward, and another part that keeps pulling back. What do you think that second part is trying to protect you from?”
That second kind of question is where IFS comes in. Rather than treating your inner conflict as a problem, we get curious about it. The part of you that overthinks, people-pleases, shuts down, or pushes too hard developed for a reason. Understanding that reason is often where things begin to shift.
The Insight Part — And Why It Matters
Insight-oriented therapy is built on a deceptively simple idea: when you truly understand something about yourself, it loses its grip on you.
Not just intellectually, though that’s part of it. But in a way that lands somewhere deeper. A felt sense of oh. That’s what’s been going on.
Here’s what that might look like in practice.
Maybe you’ve spent years feeling like you’re never doing enough. On the surface it shows up as anxiety, perfectionism, difficulty resting. In our work together, we might start to trace where that belief came from. What did you learn early on about what made you worthy of love or approval? How did that shape the way you move through the world today? And which part of you is still carrying that old belief, and what would it need in order to finally set it down?
When you can see all of that clearly, when “this is just how I am” becomes “this is a story I learned, and it made sense then, but it doesn’t fit anymore,” something genuinely shifts. Not overnight. But in a way that tends to last.
Patterns, Beliefs, and What Gets Challenged
One of the things I do in our work is point out patterns, sometimes ones you haven’t noticed, sometimes ones you’ve noticed but haven’t been able to name.
The way you always put your own needs last in conversations. The way a certain kind of interaction reliably makes you feel small. The belief that if you slow down, something will fall apart. The pattern of getting close to people and then finding a reason to pull back.
Naming these things out loud, with someone who is genuinely curious rather than critical, can be surprisingly powerful. Because once you can see a pattern, you’re no longer just living inside it. You have some distance from it. And distance creates choice.
I also challenge beliefs, directly, but collaboratively. Not by telling you what to think, but by asking questions that help you examine what you’ve been taking for granted. Is that actually true? Where did that belief come from? What would it mean for you if it weren’t true?
These aren’t rhetorical questions. They’re the kind that open something up.
Is It Just Talking About the Past?
This is one of the most common misconceptions about psychodynamic therapy, that it’s all about your childhood while someone nods and says nothing.
It’s really not.
The past matters because it shapes the present. The beliefs you formed early on, the coping strategies you developed, the roles you learned to play, those don’t just disappear when you grow up. They show up in your relationships, your work, your inner critic, your body, your reactions.
So yes, we might explore your history. But we’re always doing it in service of your present. The question is never just what happened. It’s how is what happened still showing up in your life right now, and what do we do about it?
What Changes — and How
The changes that come from this kind of work tend to be quieter than people expect. Not a sudden breakthrough, though those happen too, but a gradual shift in how you experience yourself and the world around you.
You start to catch yourself mid-pattern and have a moment of choice you didn’t have before. The inner critic gets a little quieter, not because you’ve silenced it, but because you understand what it’s been trying to do. The part of you that used to shut down in conflict starts to have a little more room. You find yourself in a familiar situation and realize you’re responding differently, almost without trying.
That’s what lasting change looks like. It’s not dramatic. But it’s real.
Is This Kind of Therapy Right for You?
This work tends to resonate with people who feel like they understand their problems but can’t seem to change them. Who keep ending up in the same patterns despite their best efforts. Who want to understand themselves more deeply, not just feel better temporarily. Who are curious about what’s underneath, and willing to look at it.
It’s also for people who have tried other approaches and felt like something was missing. Who want a therapist who will actually engage with them, ask real questions, notice things, point things out, rather than sitting silently or handing them a worksheet.
If that’s you, I’d love to connect.
I’m Rivkie Yifat, LCSW, a therapist in Cedarhurst, NY specializing in psychodynamic and insight-oriented therapy. I work with women across Long Island and online throughout New York State. If this resonated, reach out here to schedule a free consultation call.