Why Does This Feel Harder Than It Should?
There are moments in parenting that catch you off guard. A school transition. A social struggle. A moment where your child feels unsure, left out, or overwhelmed. And suddenly it’s not just about them. Something in you tightens. You feel it more deeply than you expected. You might find yourself reacting in ways that don’t quite make sense in the moment.
When your child goes through something difficult, it can stir up something from your own past. Memories. Feelings. Experiences that were never fully processed. You might not be consciously thinking about any of it, but your body remembers. What felt painful, lonely, or overwhelming back then can feel very close to the surface now.
You might notice yourself feeling unusually anxious about your child’s struggles, wanting to fix things quickly or protect them at all costs, feeling triggered by situations that seem small on the outside, or having a strong emotional reaction you don’t fully understand.
There’s a Reason for This
A part of you is recognizing something familiar. And it doesn’t want your child to feel what you felt. So it steps in, strong and fast, and sometimes overwhelmingly so.
The hard part is that your child’s experience is their own. And while it might look similar, it isn’t the same story. When your past and your child’s present start to blur together, things can feel more intense than they need to be for either of you. Gently separating what belongs to your child and what belongs to you creates space for both of you to actually be in your own experience.
This isn’t about shutting it down or judging yourself. If this happens, it doesn’t mean you’re overreacting or not handling things well. It means something important in you is being touched. And that’s something worth understanding, not pushing away.
You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone
These moments, the ones that catch you off guard and feel bigger than they should, are worth paying attention to. Not because something is wrong with you, but because they’re pointing to something that deserves care.
Therapy can help you make sense of what’s coming up, so you can respond in a way that feels more grounded and more aligned with who you want to be as a parent.
I’m Rivkie Yifat, LCSW, a therapist in Cedarhurst, NY specializing in life transitions and maternal wellness. I work with women across Long Island and online throughout New York State. If this resonated, reach out today — I’d love to connect.